Reading:
I started the year saying I wasn’t going to set a reading goal, blah blah, guided by joy, etc. But here’s the thing: if you know me at all, you know that I love a gold star, I love to meet and exceed expectations, and I am definitely extrinsically motivated. As it turns out, I might actually need a goal to remind me to get off of Instagram before bed and read! I only read four-ish books this month and that is not it.
Please pipe up in the comments: are you pro or anti reading goals? Why? If you’re not, please teach me about how you taught your brain to STOP looking at your high school nemesis’ Instagram and LinkedIn and pick up a book!
Writing:
It feels deeply vulnerable to share this, but I am in the process of working on a book proposal. I’m lucky enough to be spending 10 weeks in Greg Mania’s Book Proposal Generator. Greg is encouraging, smart, and adorable and I am obsessed with both him and my classmates. Working on a book proposal makes my writing feel real in a way it hasn’t in awhile. I’ve been working on these pieces throughout my MFA program and outside of it, but to see something I’m really proud of take shape into a collection feels exciting, but also, I want to throw up forever!
On Instagram, I openly shared my process and experience of querying my memoir back in 2021. I sent my manuscript to 100 agents. I received six requests for full manuscripts and more requests for partial manuscripts (when looking for an agent, this is considered a positive sign that you should keep going). Ultimately, I did not end up securing representation; however, I did get a lot of helpful feedback about what was and was not working with the book. At the time, it felt devastating to work so hard and not see it pan out in any tangible way.
That manuscript I queried was developed in Megan Stielstra’s Year-Long Memoir Generator. That class was transformative: it gave me the chance to get my whole story all out on paper, to be mentored by someone who has become a dear friend (if you don’t know Megan, get to know her and her work), and to get feedback from some talented peers.
The experience changed my life profoundly, not just because of the work, per se, but because it gave me a chance to develop a disciplined writing practice, to learn how to revise, the stamina required for a long writing project, and encouragement/craft tips/freak out support when needed. It was the class that helped me confidently call myself a writer and start to prioritize my writing life. Megan told us from the first class that her goal was for us not to need her (her deadlines, craft lectures, etc.) when we were done and while I am positive that I will always need Megan in my life, she succeeded: by the end of class, I’d fully embraced my identity and effort as a writer, even though I’d been writing since childhood.
I can also confidently say now that the work I made in that class was not my best work.
After I didn’t get representation, I worried that I’d wasted my time, and that I’d never use the work I’d done. Now, that rejection feels like a gift, and I don’t mean that in a trite, “toxic positivity” way at all. I am so thankful that the version I queried did not get published. It wasn’t ready. The story was fine, but when I read the work now, I can see how much I’ve changed and grown as a writer and as a person. I admittedly got focused on the shiny goal of publishing as opposed to making the best work I can.
In the time since that class ended, I’ve learned so much. I’ve written almost every day. I’ve read extensively. I’ve pored over craft books. I’ve started my Masters of Fine Arts in writing. I’ve been to writer’s retreats and taken so many seminars and courses on varied topics. I’ve practiced. In 2022, I spent a week at the Kenyon Review’s Summer Residential Writing Workshop, where I met my friend/mentor, Melissa. Melissa is an outstanding writer and editor, and when I read her (incredible!) essay collection Tomboyland, I felt like she’d captured so many things I wanted to say, and had also experienced. Not surprisingly, she saw my work and understood what I was trying to do.
Let us never underestimate the power of a mentor who truly sees you and your work and also becomes a trusted friend. I have a whole lot to say on that topic, but I can also say that without Megan or Melissa, I wouldn’t be writing this newsletter or perhaps much of anything.
Last semester, Melissa was my advisor for my MFA, and as we worked through the pages of work I’d developed and revised, Melissa pointed out that what I was working on had become a collection. All of the time spent writing and rewriting and staring into space thinking about what to do with this work suddenly turned into something that made sense.
I have a series of essays (still in progress!) that are linked. They’re vulnerable, darkly funny, weird, and authentic. They feel like me, and the kind of work I want to put out into the world.
I recently said that it felt like it happened by magic, as if a fog cleared and then POOF! there was a collection. She reminded me that it was not by some random chance, it was through effort, hard work, a willingness to learn, rejection, and continuing to work even when it was challenging or felt purposeless. And at the risk of sounding braggy, I will say that one thing about me is that I will work my ass off until I get something right. I’m stubborn that way (it’s Taurus Sun-Virgo Rising culture).
When I started the querying process a few years ago, I was petrified. It wasn’t just because putting your work out is scary — it’s because deep down, I likely wasn’t sure that it was ready or good enough, and I was so desperate for publication. I’m still a few months and many edits away from going out with this work, but I feel excited. I have a quiet confidence about this work. I also know that it’s hard to get published and I may find that this version also isn’t it. But I do know that I will keep going.
Ranting
My friend Jenn brought Pookie and Jett into my life and I will never forgive her. I have now spent my week passing them on to friends I know will share in my horror. I feel mean typing out all of my thoughts but suffice it to say: no. Absolutely not. Compulsory heterosexuality is a scourge, and when you add money and “fire” outfits? Pass.
Recommending
Last weekend, I had a wee mental breakdown about time and energy and the level of pressure I put on myself about “having my life together.” I am so tired. My teaching job is bonkers demanding (I teach at a school filled with wonderful kids and families, but it is also a historically under-resourced school with a lot of kids who have experienced unspeakable poverty and trauma), I’m in school, and my spouse’s job is also emotionally draining and demanding. The catch is that I also really enjoy a clean house and find it challenging to focus on anything when my environment is messy. I have a spicy brain chemistry, which doesn’t help anything.
Yesterday, I hired a housekeeper. When I tell you that the moment I got it scheduled and set up, I felt a burden lift from my shoulders, I am not kidding in the slightest.
Before you say it or think it: I am aware of the privilege I hold, and I am also aware that this is (for some people) a made-up problem that I could solve by “relaxing” or “sucking it up.” I KNOW.
I want to spend my weekends writing, reading, and hanging out with my spouse and our friends and family. I want to feel like the tasks I have left to manage (laundry, dishes, general daily tidying) aren’t so overwhelming. I don’t want to spend every moment cleaning or worrying about cleaning. I am so grateful to be in a place where I get to do this.
I promise this is not just a weird brag, but I do want to highly, highly recommend finding ways to outsource your tasks. If you have kids, give them a chore. If you can send your laundry out for fluff and fold, do it. If you can or want to swing meal delivery, do it. If you’re a parent or a creative person or a human with the demands of living in this hellscape, I recommend doing whatever you can to take the pressure off of yourself. To me, it feels like the ultimate self care.
Amy, I LOVED this. I knew a lot of this, but really got a lot out of reading it all strung together. Also, girl, yes a housekeeper. You're in your forties now. Outsource that shit.
Hardcore agree that if you have the means to hire housecleaners pay them a livable wage and do it! Its a game changer.