I like to start every month by pulling cards from all of Kim Kranz’s decks. I think of them as a theme for the month and the energy to focus on for the month. I was especially struck by The Magician (a card about action) and the Swan (which represents heightened creativity and the embodiment of language, with a focus on writing). It feels apt for this time in my life, and I’m taking it as a good omen for what’s to come. Also, if this sounds interesting to you, stay tuned! I’ll be teaching a class this summer about this very topics.
Reading
I did some excellent reading this month, and want to share two very different recommendations.
Fen was a book on my suggested reading list for this semester of my MFA, and I am so glad I read it. This collection of stories is part fable, part magical realism, and manages to be both charming and visceral. The bog and marsh where the stories take place feels real and heavy; Johnson creates a world that is all her own. The stories reminded me of Bunny by Mona Awad, which is one of my favorite books of all time because it is dark and gory and fascinating. What I loved about Fen was that (similarly to Bunny) rather than explaining exactly what was happening, Johnson drops readers into the world and lets them figure out where they are and what’s happening. I enjoyed it so much. If you like Lauren Groff’s Florida, Ottessa Moshfegh’s books, and powerfully feminine, feral stories, you will love this.
As a writer, I’m always so fascinated by people who write magical realism. I’m always stunned when I come away from books with fantastical elements, simply because I don’t know where these ideas come from! My writing mind is so linear; in part, I’m sure, because I primarily write nonfiction, and even my fiction feels realistic. I am in awe of the creativity of writers like Daisy Johnson who create such incredible worlds to live in.
I purchased Jenny Odell’s How To Do Nothing: Resisting the Attention Economy ages ago, and I picked it up a few times but it didn’t connect. I’ve been thinking a lot about my relationship to time, consumerism, and attention lately, and it seemed like the perfect time to pick this up. I have read a number of books about how to quit using my phone, how to develop a different relationship to buying things, and plenty of sensational pieces about the same topics. The way that Odell avoids prescriptive statements and “rules” and instead unravels the ways our attention is monetized and overtaken without our consent or awareness is fascinating. It managed to be alarming and thought-provoking without feeling hopeless. Instead, it made me feel like there is hope and agency in where I send my attention. I will be thinking about this book forever. I loved it.
Writing
This weekend is the last class meeting of the Book Proposal Generator class I’ve been taking with Greg Mania (good news, you can take the next iteration!) and a beautiful community of writers I’ve come to trust and enjoy. I have some final edits and reviewing to do (what Greg called “running it through the Amy Estes Comedy Prism, a phrase I will carry forever), but for all intents and purposes, I have a complete proposal for my memoir-in-essays.
I started this book four years ago, and I am not sure I’ve ever been so proud of how a project has evolved. The book I wrote when I started was a good start; I refuse to denigrate my efforts. But when I look at the proposal for this book, I see something I’m proud of. It’s almost like unearthing something I recognize that I’ve held inside of me as opposed to creating something from nothing. It feels true and funny, and I feel proud of this work because it feels authentic and reflective of the work I’ve put in to become a better writer.
I also feel extremely vulnerable at the thought of sending it out: what if no one signs me? What if it never sees the light of day? Being an artist is hard in that way. There are no guarantees. And while I would love to say something gracious like “I’ll still be glad I wrote it!” the truth is that I want this to work out. I want to be a published author. Wanting something as badly as I want this makes me feel very exposed. I don’t know what’s next, but until I do, I’ll be over here, listening to The Smith’s.
Ranting
Recently, someone said my very least favorite thing to me (well, my least favorite thing after “I need to throw up”) and that is “I wish I got a paid Spring Break off!” followed by “It must be nice to have summers off and still get paid!”
Please, let me disabuse you of this wild notion that teachers get paid all year long. I work a 186-day year (on paper — my wife and friends and colleagues are all laughing because if you’ve ever known a teacher, you know that it is simply not true). I am only paid for those 186 days! AS IT SHOULD BE.
Even me, a veteran teacher of nearly 20 years (now *I* need to throw up as I was just a young baby 22-year-old people trusted with keys to a classroom which is WILD to think about and somehow this is my 18th year of teaching and I have transformed into a crusty veteran) does not believe we should get paid for days we do not work. If teachers get checks in the summer, it’s because their district saves money from every check in order to provide teachers with a check when they’re not working.
I don’t deny that having summers and breaks off is wonderful, and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that! Teaching is hard and exhausting work (sometimes brought on by teachers themselves, but that’s another post altogether). It’s part of the “perks” of the job, just like some jobs let you pee when you need to, shut your door, work from home, and don’t involve trying to convince teenagers to put their phones away or force you to write plans for someone else to (poorly) execute when you’re on death’s door and staying home sick.
I also don’t think teaching is the only hard job on earth. Many jobs are challenging in different ways, and there are many professions that I have endless respect for because I know that they are also difficult. I just refuse to feel bad for admitting that summer is awesome and having weeks at a time off is a delight but also wanting to correct the belief that we are paid for that time!
I have many teaching-related rants and posts, but as we approach summer, please think about what you say before you remark to your teacher pals that it must be nice to have so much paid time off. WE ARE NOT GETTING PAID FOR DAYS WE DO NOT WORK. Then, meet them for lunch or urge them to stay out late and live it up while they can!
Recommending
I am wildly picky about t-shirts. I don’t want them to be cropped or too tight or too oversized. I demand that they are soft. I never want them to be low-cut or stretch out too quickly. I loathe the texture of heavy, stiff cotton.
I have a current favorite t-shirt that I’d like to recommend, and it is this absolute delight from Target:
I have it in many colors. It meets all of my requirements. It is also $10, which is perfect because knowing me, I will hate it soon enough or I will ruin all of my lighter colored ones with summer fruit and popsicles, so I like that this checks all the boxes without draining my bank account.
I want your book to get published too because I want to read it! I'm going to check out this tshirt, thank you for the rec. Also wanted to share this recipe for magical stain remover which should work on summer fruit and popsicles, it has saved many favorite items of clothing for me:
Mix equal parts blue dish soap, hydrogen peroxide, baking soda
Apply paste to stain
Let sit overnight
Wash as normal
Pay for educators should be doubled. At least. I don’t know how you people do it— you should get more money, better benefits and MORE days off. And more respect.