Hello and happy Wednesday! It was nearly EIGHTY DEGREES here yesterday! I am elated! I love the sun! And yet, the first bit of news I saw today was that we are going to get another massive storm later this week, which I am legally required to be grateful for as a Californian who has just survived a years-long drought.
Reading
If you follow me on Instagram, you have already seen my review of Leslie Jamison’s Splinters: Another Kind Of Love Story, and yet, I cannot stop talking about it or thinking about it. Admittedly, I am a bit late to the Leslie Jamison party. I’d read some of her work in The New Yorker, and had always found it extremely brilliant, and I also loved The Empathy Exams, but I don’t typically find myself drawn to addiction memoirs, so I’d skipped her next two. I took a class on writing the body this year, and Leslie Jamison was a guest speaker, and I found her so compelling and thoughtful that when this book came out, I decided to read it, and it blew me away. Again, the topics are not necessarily for me: I am happily childfree, and I don’t typically seek out books about heterosexual marriages or divorces but Jamison manages to take those topics and transcend them to something beyond those things. This book isn’t about being a wife or a mother or getting divorced, it’s about being a human being, about our relationships to our parents and how they shape us, desire, loss, our own brains and bodies and hearts. I could not put it down. I took notes, both directly from the book and also about what this book made me consider in my own life and writing, which is something that I think the best writing does: makes me want to write.
Writing
I just finished reading Phillip Lopate’s book To Show And To Tell: The Craft Of Literary Nonfiction. I am in the middle of writing my critical thesis and its topic is still a bit nebulous, but basically focuses on why we are so deeply obsessed with genre and whether or not there is a “line” between fiction, autofiction, and nonfiction, and how it’s determined, and why. It’s challenging because the opinions range from “if there is one bit of embellishment this has to be declared a work of fiction” to “when I say this book is true, I mean it’s the truth of life, dude” and many in between, but I find the research interesting.
If you write nonfiction, or if you’ve been in a nonfiction writing class, it’s likely you’ve experienced the age-old discussion of “how do I write about other people?” and “where’s the line?” and it remains the most challenging question I come up against as someone who writes about her own life. I never want to hurt anyone with my work; however, I frequently worry that by omitting pieces of my story or being unwilling to share certain aspects of my life, I miss writing the deepest possible work that I can. On the other hand, I value relationships over writing a juicy book (mostly). I had the chance to interview my friend Melissa about her own process of writing in different genres, and she mentioned this book and its chapter on developing your own code of ethics for writing about other people. This book is full of great advice and tips for writing excellent essays, but I especially loved this idea, because it gives you a place to develop your own policy and isn’t prescriptive, but also allows you to think about these things beforehand so that you’re not making decisions on the fly or in the midst of an emotional piece of work. In addition to Lopate’s thoughts on this topic, I’d also recommend Melissa Febos’ essay “A Big Shitty Party” which is in her incredible, must-read craft book Body Work, which is, to me, the most indispensable craft book on earth.
Ranting
I’ll admit to being an odd breed of person who in one moment hates being alive because the person in front of me is driving too slowly and then can be moved to tears by a sunrise. I will absolutely laugh when someone falls down and then cry when a group of children sing because it’s so precious. I am sarcastic (working on it), and definitely like to “deal in reality” (something I recently said to my spouse during an argument). I enjoy complaining for the sake of complaining, and if you need someone to vent your petty grievances to and have someone hype you up and jump in on the hating, I am YOUR GIRL. That said, I have gotten better at leaning into my positive side, trying to assume positive intent, and aiming to see people with compassion.
Lately, I’ve been so taken aback by how rude and mean some people are, specifically in situations that do not call for it — and I do not mean the middle schoolers I teach. I expect that they have tones and are occasionally rude, as they have a lot going on in those little bodies that are learning to navigate the world. I mean fully-grown adults. I’m not sure if it’s eclipse season, or my own energy, or something else, but in the past month, I have had adults speak to me in ways that I would not ever speak to another person on multiple occasions. I have also watched people speak to others doing their best to make a meeting/experience/class a positive experience as if those people were clueless and idiotic. Personally, it’s been hurtful, but moreover, it’s embarrassing to watch, especially in a professional setting.
It’s made me reflective about my own behavior. I tend to think I share my ranting in a funny way; however, I wonder if I’m that person that sucks the air out of the room sometimes. I never want to make everyone in a room clench up with my attitude or questions. I don’t believe in toxic positivity, or even that we have to like everything or keep our mouths shut, but I do believe in tact and respect, and I feel like the behavior I’ve seen lately is…not it. We talk a lot about “unconditional positive regard” in teaching or “assuming best intent” — basically, giving people the benefit of the doubt and believing the best about them. I wish more people tried to apply it to adults, too.
Will I give up my career as a hater? Time will tell.
Recommending
As a gay lady, I believe it’s part of my job to recommend Birkenstocks to the general population a few times a year, but I did want to share these little numbers, the Madrid Big Buckle. What I love about them is that they are comfortable like Birkenstocks, but look a bit more refined than the traditional two-strap style. I have worn them with both pants and dresses, and I really like the way they feel just slightly more elevated. I am a die-hard Birks fan, and these are a new favorite style in my arsenal. I honestly can’t believe how frequently I wear them!
birks are gorgeous-- my weakness since age 17.
UGHHHHH FINE I WILL BUY FANCY BIRKS THIS YEAR! I am tired of missing out on the chic comfort!