17 Comments

You are doing your best showing up for those you care for. Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts and experiences. I admire that and love your writing.

In the CG side, I follow “Curly Kiet” on IG. From her I learned to style soaking wet, use curl cream and firm gel to create a “cast”, which adds the most structure, definition and body to my curls. Blow dry optional. It takes me longer to do my natural curly hair than to straighten, but I am committed keep trying and let my curls shine (even if they turn to mini dreads after several days).

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I’ve had the best success with Aveda curl products!

In reference to your intro - it very much resonated with me and I appreciate the words you put to it. I’m a physician and a patient recently genuinely asked how I was doing. It was so kind and I was so startled that I actually did cry. Take care of yourself among taking care of the others who’s needs may seem more important than your own.

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My father in law recently passed away after hospice and now we are navigating the stages of grief. It’s incredibly hard, you articulated so many of the feelings I also had while we going through the end stages.

Curly hair -I love Jessicurl. Found it after years of looking and love it.

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Controversial take but here goes: I don’t bother with shampoo/conditioner for curls any longer. I use styling products for curls but just use really gentle cleansing products for fine hair (which mine is in addition to curly). The Gold Lust line by Oribe is great.

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Putting in a plug for curlsmith conditioner and styling soufflé. I have to switch my shampoo up every so often, but the conditioner really helps keep my curls from drying out and the soufflé is a good gel that defines but leaves my hair soft not crispy. And I don’t have to do too many steps to style with it and it still looks good (basically just rake it through my hair and air dry).

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sending you and Amy so much love.

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Grief is… more than can be summed up in one word/sentence/sentiment. I’m sorry you and Amy are going through it right now.

Re: Sally Rooney… I’ve only read one book by her- Beautiful World, Where Are You. I finished it but my goodness, I DID NOT ENJOY IT. I found the dialogue style incredibly difficult to follow and the characters and plot such a bore. Now, I’m not one to write off an author after one book, so I’m curious which other book of hers you’d recommend to someone looking to understand what the fascination with her novels is. Are they all written in that same awkward style? Was that one just a fluke? I really want to understand!

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author
Oct 10Author

No! That's my least favorite of hers. I love Normal People and Intermezzo most. She may not be for you, though!

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I will give one of those a read and see how I feel! Appreciate the recommendations!

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I’m so sorry about your MIL. She sounds beautiful. Watching someone we love go through something impossible is so hard.

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I'm sorry about your MIL. I lost my dad earlier this year, somewhat unexpectedly, and no one can prepare you for losing a parent. It unmoors you in ways that I didn't expect.

As for curls, I can't wait to see what people say b/c I want the same things from my curls that you do, though I think your hair is curlier than mine (mine is borderline wavy/curly). I tried Curlsmith and it made me want to claw my scalp off. I'm currently using Ouidad and it's okay. I think the gel I'm using doesn't have enough hold. And I'm not sure if it's hormonal or what but I feel like my hair just isn't as curly as it was? Or doesn't want to hold its curl? I've even been thinking of going back to straightening my hair. IDK.

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My curls love Pattern (leave in conditioner and mousse), Briogeo (more for wash and base prep, less styling) and Amika (masks and moisture). My favorite curl gel is the Not Your Mother's curl gel. I also like their styling products from this line if you want to be more budget friendly. I just prefer other products a little more.

Sending you love, grief is hard. Battling grief on top of daily mental health challenges is just exhausting and draining and awful. I'll be thinking of you.

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sending lots of soft, good vibes and luv— ❤️

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Thinking of you as you navigate these changes.

Very curly-haired girl here. I've gone back to Tigi's Curls' Rocks, and I add water, Cantu's Refresher Spray, or Trader Joe's Serum to it. I section by hair, use the Unbrush (https://www.target.com/p/unbrush-detangling-hair-brush-lilac-light-purple/-/A-90919934?sid=&ref=tgt_adv_xsp&AFID=google&fndsrc=tgtao&DFA=71700000012510316&CPNG=PLA_Beauty%2BPersonal+Care_Priority%2BShopping%7CBeauty_Ecomm_Beauty&adgroup=Health%2BBeauty_Priority+TCINs&LID=700000001170770pgs&LNM=PRODUCT_GROUP&network=g&device=c&location=9018941&targetid=pla-2323947623664&gad_source=1&gclid=CjwKCAjw9p24BhB_EiwA8ID5BlMBYlPT7ivvm8hqreVku11vkEN-lk5Aq1WsrM_zSILb3IwtI3RJ5xoCjTsQAvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds) to move product through. I twist, squish, and air dry, then separate as needed. I use the Detangler Brush in the shower for conditioner: https://www.amazon.com/Detangler-Textured-Detangling-Exfoliating-Beautiful/dp/B083QYY139.

https://www.bedhead.com/us/product/curls-rock-amplifier/?regiondetected=true

https://www.traderjoes.com/home/products/pdp/shea-butter-coconut-oil-hair-serum-064656

https://www.target.com/p/cantu-shea-butter-comeback-curl-enhancer-12-fl-oz/-/A-18766882?sid=&region_id=537537&ref=tgt_adv_xsp&AFID=google&fndsrc=tgtao&DFA=71700000012510316&CPNG=PLA_Beauty%2BPersonal+Care_Priority%2BShopping%7CBeauty_Ecomm_Beauty&adgroup=Health%2BBeauty_Priority+TCINs&LID=700000001170770pgs&LNM=PRODUCT_GROUP&network=g&device=c&location=9018941&targetid=pla-2323947623664&gad_source=1&gclid=CjwKCAjw9p24BhB_EiwA8ID5Bp5hPnr07HPg71ANxMLyHaaCClXgBshYWD59b3yoXTZ8zBj_uJdhAxoCUWEQAvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds

I shampoo once a week, then use conditioner maybe every three days. My hair stylist told me that curly hair needs moisture, so even wetting it, using a refresh spray, or conditioner is vital.

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Curly haired girl here: INNERSENSE! Vegan, supports great causes, available at Ulta. Shampoo, conditioner, curl cream, styler…my hair has never been healthier.

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I appreciated very much your thoughts of substance, but I’m here to say that the jeans look amazing! I am shortish and I thought that barrel jeans would not look good on shorter people but you have proven this is not the case!

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You've perfectly described so many of my thoughts and feelings over these last two years.....this line in particular, " I’ve been moving through most days with that sense that if someone is even slightly kind, I might burst into tears.", reminded me of a moment last week at Nugget, when the rotisserie chicken clerk allowed me to pay for my chicken before it was ready because I'd been waiting for so long. This, a store no-no, I took to be the utmost care and concern. This particular person had taken an interest in Anna during treatment and tried to cater to us whenever we came in. But I have found myself in such a needy space that it is this exchanges that bring me to my knees. I have made sure to express my gratitude for these kindnesses. They actually do make all the difference. Thanks for sharing and being honest. We need this.

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